Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
