I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
