I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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