I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
