Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
