well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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