i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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