is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
