Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
