i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize