if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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