Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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