I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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