Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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