i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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