I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
