oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
