I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
