Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't want my vagina anymore.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
