Little spoons don't ask big questions
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
