just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
