so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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