OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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