I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
