Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
