Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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