My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
