just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
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