Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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