My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
