I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
