I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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