I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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