Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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