was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
