Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
