Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
