So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
