Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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