The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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