a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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