At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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