he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
