I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
