omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
