I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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