i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
