She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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