Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
