is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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