thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
