he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
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True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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