are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
