I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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