when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
