i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
