I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
