I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
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