I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
