I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
