Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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