woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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